My broken heart
My heart has been broken.
This hasn't happened to me in 8 years. After the last time it happened, I vowed never to let it happen to me again. Even if I were to have been on the receiving end of a break-up again, I don't think I would have been too hurt or too upset. I protected myself very very well. Being dumped on my birthday last year didn't faze me at all. I was composed within hours, met someone new - a truly wonderful girl - within days, and began dating her within 2 weeks.
Eight years later, it has happened again. I'm hurt. Very hurt. More hurt than I've ever been hurt before in my life. I knew I was had let my guard down, making myself vulnerable, but I did so willingly. I'd never been happier before in my life, and although we had to overcome some very challenging obstacles to be together, we both tried very hard to do so, especially her. We were happy. More happy than either of us we imagined we would be. And we fell in love. Very deeply in love.
Not to say that my previous girlfriends were not special, but I really thought that this girl was particularly special, the one I could be with for the rest of my life. She made me feel excited in a way that other girls did not. With all of my other girlfriends, I felt as though we all just ended up together accidentally, but when I met this girl, I thought she was the girl of my dreams, a dream I first though unattainable. Exceeding my expectations, against the odds, and very quickly, she fell in love with me. Fell in love with me, not with any tricky gimmicks, expensive gifts, fancy meals, or fast talk. She appreciated me for what I am, for being sincere and honest, for making her laugh, and making her feel comfortable and happy.
What really hurts is that she still loves me. She loves me so much, and was so happy with me, but she still decided to end our relationship. External pressures are the main cause of our break-up - a unique set of circumstances ellicited a sense of desperation and caused her to make this decision. This is not to say that I'm perfect, or that she's perfect - we do have our differences, but who doesn't? I've lived with disappointment and pain before, but this kind of disappointment and pain hurts more than any other kind, and more than ever before. And I've been humbled. Nothing can be more humbling than this.
I know all of you will say, "Ken, cheer up." I know most of you will say, "Ken, look on the bright side..." I will survive, but it will not be easy.
posted by krazykrankyken @ 2:32 a.m.
6 comments
6 Comments:
Welcome to the club. So how long have you dated your heartbreaker? Mine was four years.
Only five and a half months. Unfortunately, time passed extremely quickly, so it felt like almost no time at all. On the other hand, we became so intimate that it was as though we'd known each other for years.
That's rough, buddy. Tough break. She sounded like a great woman. So help me out here: who/what can we hate on?
I don't want to hate her. I might become angry at her (though I'm surprised I'm not angry at her now), but I'll never hate her.
dude, i feel for ya man... i've only been hurt once, and it's jaded me in a way that I hope I can one day overcome...
I hope you don't find it too tough to move on.
Don, I hope you can love again. This is the second time I've been hurt, and I'm willing to go through it again. It does get easier. Took me a couple of months to move on after the first time, but.. I'd say I'm ready to move on now.
I think being hurt, or the potential for being hurt, is worth it.
The more times you go through something or learn about something, the more you should be able to manage it. I believe this applies to break-ups as well. I think Buddhist concepts help too.
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