In pursuit of clean toilets

Oh wow! It's so exciting to read your comments! Come on! Don't be shy! Say hello! Tell me how crazy I am! Or agree with me and acknowledge how crazy the world really is!

It just occurred to me that after living here for more than one week, I still haven't done the most important thing that I have to do on campus. Well, I guess it's the most important thing if you don't count course registration, getting my student ID, and the REAL relevant stuff. What I'm getting at is finding clean places to take care of business, to pinch a loaf, to do a #2, etc.

I pride myself on being able to find the cleanest washrooms wherever I go. During my six years at UBC, I found the cleanest toilets on campus, including handicapped toilets in the Scarfe Building, Buchanan Block D, and the Liu Centre, as well as the toilet that the president of UBC uses at the Old Administration Building. While living in and travelling to Hong Kong, Taipei, and Beijing, I compiled a list of the more exceptional washrooms at Hong Kong's many five-star hotels, as well as some in Beijing and Taipei. I must say that Hong Kong in particular, especially in Admiralty, Central, and Tsimshatsui, has no shortage of clean toilets. In fact, some of the most ornate and decadent toilets I've ever used are in Hong Kong. I highly recommend the toilets on the first floor of The Peninsula, and also anywhere at the Island Shangri-La. I hear that there is even a toilet made of solid gold somewhere in Hong Kong. I wonder if my ass will ever touch that porcelain... er... gold.

Finding clean toilets involves a lot of hard work, and knowing when to use them takes brains. Would you, for example, want to use a toilet only to have to tip an attendant afterwards? You have to figure out whether or not there will be an attendant or cleaner there, or you have to figure out how to occupy the attendant so that you don't have to tip him/her. Some toilets are cleaned quite frequently, and it's a good idea to check the cleaning timesheet to see exactly when the toilets are cleaned. On the other hand, there are some isolated toilets that barely anyone knows about, let alone uses; however, less frequently used toilets are usually less frequently cleaned!

Perhaps the main reason why I haven't bothered to find clean toilets is because I live on campus and I can use the toilet in my dorm any time. However, once I start attending classes and spending more time in other areas on campus, I will want to know where the clean toilets are. Furthermore, I will definitely be reluctant to climb the hill back up to my dorm just to use the toilet. In any case, when or if I finally do figure out the best places to "take care of business" on campus, I certainly won't be telling YOU GUYS about them, at least not until after I graduate; after all, I don't want to find that these clean toilets are occupied at the times I need them the most!